24 January 2024

When someone sends a demon your way, but they don’t know how powerful you are. If I can communicate with a painting, then I can communicate meaningfully with someone else. Sublimation of the flesh, a refinement of bodily experiences. A journey of self-discovery into a space that is undefined, then determining, becoming self-defined, which leads to meaningful communication with the other. Speaking of oneself and also listening to others. Not replacing the other with myself, not anticipating them with my preconceived notions, categories. Not repainting them in the colors I can understand, master, and possess. Accepting my limited understanding and not bringing closure, a selfish need for closure to every aspect of them by judging right or wrong, but rather ‘putting a pin’ in what they have said, on what I can see about them, and walking with it for a while, seeing if I can grow to understand them better. I have to effortfully resist my most immediate selfish needs all the time to grow. It takes a lot of hard work, pushing against my feelings all the time. Willfully choosing to go against them until my feelings harmonize with God, reality, others, and myself. Then I have learned to share a reality with others. Heaven. Eternity. Where does dopamine fit into this? Going in ever closer until you can start seeing atoms. Microscopic vs Telescopic vision, making small things appear bigger than they are, vs making things unfathomably large start to appear as what they are. Mundanity vs significance. Vain vs purposeful. Developing an aesthetic that can tell the difference.